


Leela's Awful Lunch

by Immortalsane



Category: Futurama
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Humor, Cannibalism, Canon-Typical Violence, Child Death, F/M, Fast Food, Food, Food is People, Horror, Hypocrisy, Not Canon Compliant, Scat, Shrinking, Snuff, Violence, Vore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-31 17:02:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17853611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Immortalsane/pseuds/Immortalsane
Summary: Leela stops for lunch and gets a nasty surprise when she finds out what's on the menu.





	Leela's Awful Lunch

The delivery had been as much of a crapshoot as always. Fry had blundered into a local cult, been brainwashed, and tried to kill them all. And of course Bender, bastard that he was, had gone along with it for the looting and stabbing opportunities. Between Amy and herself, they'd managed to get the whole thing cleared up, but what should have been a simple stop and drop had turned into the sort of morass that it seemed that half their deliveries ended up in. And right now, all Leela wanted was something to eat and a merciful break from her colleagues. 

 

This little hole in the wall restaurant had pretty good reviews, so she'd ordered the house special, slapping her credit ship into the slot on the table to avoid dealing with people as much as possible. She checked her social networks while she waited for her meal, caught up on a little reading, and firmly ignored all calls from the ship. Since she had the keys, she wasn't  _ too _ worried that they'd do something stupid. And she definitely deserved a little Leela time after all that nonsense. 

 

"Here's your food, lady."

 

Leela grunted an acknowledgement, caught up in reading a story about Nixon's latest stupidity. The waiter set the plate on the table with a shrug. "Might want to eat it before it runs away."

 

The waiter had already walked away before that penetrated Leela's concentration.

 

"Wha-" She looked down at her plate and sighed in frustration. Sitting in the center of the plate was a boy, just about ten inches tall. He was drenched from head to toe in some kind of sauce, and there was a ring of fries surrounding him and two slices of toast off to the side. He had a sheepish, somewhat scared look on his face, and even as she tried to process that they had brought her a person to eat, he raised a hand and gave her a shy wave.

 

"Oh, for god's sake." Leela closed her eye. "Tell me you're just a simulacra. That you're not an actual person."

 

The boy gave a nervous smile and squeaked out, "Umm...nope, I'm a person."

 

"Great, juuust great," Leela sighed. "So how exactly did you end up on my plate?"

 

The boy wiggled around in his sauce. "Well, I'm from the Orphan Helper Home for Children No One Wants."

 

"You're an orphan?" At the boy's affirmative nod, Leela's past floated up, and her eye watered. "I'm an orphan too!"

 

The boy smiled, happy at finding common ground. "Did you ever get adopted?"

 

Leela shook her head. "No, I aged out. But what does being an orphan have to do with ending up as food?"

 

The boy licked his lips. "If a kid from the Orphan Helper Home for Children No One Wants goes two years without being adopted, they're declared unadoptable, put through the Shrink-O-Tron, and sold to local restaurants."

 

Leela's eye went wide with rage. " _ What!? _ "

 

The boy shrugged. "It's, um, supposed to save money."

 

"Waiter!  _ Waiter! _ "

 

The waiter slouched over. He was a bland, unsanitary looking little toad of a man, his most outstanding feature the name patch velcroed onto his chest, which read:  "Hi! I'm Shaun! How can I serve you today?" Giving her a look of utter apathy in defiance of the patch's cheerful promise, he asked, "Is there a problem."

 

"How  _ dare _ you feed helpless  _ orphans _ to people! Look at him!" she plucked the boy off the plate and held him up between her fingers. "Look at that little face! You should be ashamed of yourself! Now take this back and bring me something that isn't made of orphans right now!"

 

The waiter withstood her ire without flinching. He pointed at a sign hanging on the wall. Leela looked over at it, and read, "No Refunds. No Substitutions. No Exceptions. This Means You."

 

"Oh," Leela sagged. She looked down at the boy in her hand. Dammit. She had a budget, too. There was no way she'd get the old fossil to cover two lunches on company benefits, and he'd caught on to her trick of using Amy's lunch budget too. Apparently, Amy never used it, so when Leela had started, Hermes had twigged to it immediately. And she had so been looking forward to a nice, quiet lunch.

 

She set the boy back on the plate with a sigh. The waiter turned and slouched away, not even bothering to display triumph, or acknowledge Leela's defeat. Leela picked at the fries surrounding the boy forlornly, absentmindedly licking her fingers to get them clean after picking the boy up. She blinked and stared at her fingers, and slowly licked again, really tasting the sauce/flesh combination. It was  _ delicious _ .

 

The boy looked up at her nervously. "Uhhh...so, does this mean you're going to let me go?"

 

Leela sighed. "I'm...not sure. I mean, I'd  _ like _ to, but..."

 

The boy gulped. He grabbed one of the myriad fries piled up around him and held it out hopefully. "H-here. Try a fry, they're m-much tastier than I am, I'm sure."

 

"Well, alright," Leela said. She accepted the bit of potato, and after a few chews, she had to admit that they were very nice fries. Her stomach growled, and she snagged another fry, trying not to look at the boy as her principles and pragmatism went to war yet again. 

 

His nervousness increased, as he realized something had changed. "L-Lady, you're not...you're not gonna eat me, are you?"

 

"Well, I don't want to," Leela began. The boy shook with relief. "But on the other hand, I can't really afford not to."

 

He froze. "W-what?"

 

"Listen, I'm sorry about this, but I can't afford to buy another lunch."

 

"B-but..."

 

"And I  _ have  _ to eat. I'm a pilot, and I need my strength and focus to get my ship back to port."

 

He blanched under his sauce. "Couldn't you just eat the fries?" he squeaked out.

 

Leela made a face. "All that starch? With no protein? I  _ could,  _ but I'd get awfully bloated, and I'd just be hungry again halfway home."

 

The boy was shaking. "Y-you could a-adopt m-me? I'd, um, e-even make a g-good p-pet?"

 

"I just don't have time to take care of a little boy, especially one as little as you," Leela said with a sigh. "And my pet...whatever he is, Nibbler, would eat you in a heartbeat."

 

"Oh," the boy said, collapsing in on himself. He looked up at Leela pleadingly. "But I don't want to be eaten!"

 

"And I don't want to eat you," Leela said, as she picked him up. "I just don't really have a choice."

 

Before he could protest again, Leela shoved him headfirst up to his chest into her mouth. A surge of guilt shot through her as the taste exploded on her tongue. He tasted  _ fantastic.  _ The sauce coating him was tangy, bright, and fresh all at once, and brought out the subtle flavors of the boy's skin. She moaned unintentionally, and felt another wave of guilt at how much she was enjoying this. She was as bad as an Omicronian!

 

_ This is what's available, and it may be wrong, but I need to eat _ , she thought. Filled with righteous anger towards the restaurant for putting her in this position, Leela sucked a little harder, and felt the little boy slide in up to his stomach. The thought flashed across her mind that it would be easier to bite him into pieces, and she smashed it down brutally. If she had to suffer a little to make this easier for the poor boy she was being forced to eat, that was a small price to pay.

 

Leela ran her tongue over him to make the most of his flavors, trying to be quick about it, despite the orgy of deliciousness assaulting her senses. The boy was squirming in her mouth, and she shuddered, sharply reminded that she was being pushed into killing an orphan so she could survive. She closed her eye to push back the tears she was sure would be coming any moment now, and sucked his ass into her mouth, swallowing his head in the process. 

 

The fresh burst of the glorious sauce/boy combination tantalized her tastebuds, and she lapped away at him on instinct. A flush of embarrassment filled her face when her probing tongue encountered a rapidly stiffening boy cock. For a split second she was angry: how  _ dare _ he get off on her tongue! But a wave of guilt and compassion filled her a moment later, washing out the fury. After all, he was as much a victim here as she was. She couldn't begrudge him what pleasure he could get from this, any more than she could be blamed for taking solace in his wonderful flavor as she struggled through this ordeal.

 

Still, it didn't mean she had to like the thought of a little boy getting off in her mouth. She tried not to think about it, focusing instead on getting as much of the sauce off of his hips and butt as she could, trying to keep her tongue from coming into contact with...that part...of him any more than absolutely necessary. Unfortunately for Leela, the boy was almost two and a half inches across at the waist, and there was only so much room in her mouth for the boy and her tongue. Given his face-down position, it was inevitable that she would press, rub, and lick at his hard on with nearly every movement. 

 

Just as she prepared to suck him in deeper, she felt the boy jerk and squirm in her mouth, accompanied by a tiny burst of saltiness. Remorse nearly overwhelmed her as she sucked in his thighs, sending his shoulders and torso deeper into her throat. All she'd wanted was a nice lunch, and she'd ended up being coerced into molesting and killing an orphan! This had to be the most awful day of her life!

 

Now she really was fighting back tears of fury and disgust.  _ To have to do this to a fellow orphan _ , she thought as she lapped at his thighs, the sauce a cold comfort,  _ is just despicable _ .  _ How can they justify tricking unwary travelers into such heinous acts!? _

 

Leela stripped the sauce off his thighs with record speed, desperate to end this awful meal as quickly as possible. And, truth be told, because he was starting to feel a little uncomfortable stretching out her throat like this. She felt a pang at not being able to really get the full experience of the sauce, the only thing about this experience that made it bearable. Quickly, she sucked in his calves, looking down with a sort of horrified fascination at the sight of the squirming, kicking feet framed by her lips. She could feel the bulk of his torso in her throat now, and she was beginning to have a bit of a breathing problem. She raised her hand to her neck, tracing the outline of the poor, poor boy, and decided the most merciful thing would be to just forego the rest of the sauce, give up her own comfort, and simply swallow him. 

 

With a sigh of regret, Leela swallowed once, tilted her head back to avoid his knees pressing into her windpipe, and swallowed twice more. She felt his feet tickling at the back of her throat and gulped him down the rest of the way. Sobbing softly at the sheer nastiness of what she had just gone through, Leela consoled herself by sopping up the remaining sauce with the fries, eating them slowly to regain her composure. She could still feel the poor orphan squirming inside her, and she groaned as she realized that she still had further indignities to undergo if she wanted to end their mutual suffering. 

 

Face reddening, she opened her mouth and belched. The whole restaurant went silent, and she shrank in on herself. He was still struggling, so she did it again. And again. Finally, he went still and she let out a sigh of relief. She shoveled the fries into her mouth, mortified at having everyone in the restaurant watching her. 

 

She stood up, wiping at the corners of her mouth, and summoned the waiter. He slouched back over, and she snarled, "I want to speak to your manager!"

 

"Ok," he said. He reached into his pocket and pulled out another name patch. Ripping off the patch on his shirt, he slapped on on a patch that read, "Hi! I'm a Manager! Tell me the fastest way to make you shut up and leave!" He stared at her, waiting patiently. 

 

Leela's mouth worked for a second. "You should be ashamed of yourself! Deceiving hapless travelers into eating orphans!"

 

He pointed to a sign next to the first one. It featured bold lettering in neon colors that flashed, "Today's Special: Orphan Alfresco."

 

"I can't be expected to see that! It's all the way in the back of the room!"

 

He looked slowly from the door, to the back wall, a distance of maybe twenty feet. 

 

"I... I... but you didn't  _ tell _ me what I was ordering, and I was obviously distracted!" Leela shouted triumphantly.

 

The man blinked slowly. "You didn't have to eat-"

 

"Hi-YAH!" Leela's snap kick sent the man flying backward over a table. "You're awful and you should be ashamed of yourself! I'll be writing a letter to the local business bureau, I hope you know!"

 

Leela stormed out, head held high, filled with righteous indignation over the trauma that had been inflicted on her. 

 

The entire way back to the ship, she was composing her letter in her head. Each successive draft was stronger, and more vitriolic than the last. She was trying to think of a politically correct synonym for "rat bastard" as she walked up the gangplank.

 

"Leela! Thank goodness you're back," Fry said, giving her the look that meant she was going to have to fix something. Again.

 

"Oh, what now?" She moaned. 

 

"Bender tried to steal the Sacred Eye of Amarok-"

 

She cut him off with a gesture. "I don't care. I've had a  _ very  _ traumatic experience, and I just want to go home. Where is he, and how much is the bail?"

 

"He in the local jail. But there's no bail! They're going to execute him in the morning!"

 

Leela pressed her knuckles into her temples. She definitely had a headache coming on. "Right. A _sacred_ eye of whatever. Why can't he just steal a purse, like he normally does?"

 

Snarling and muttering to herself, she walked up to the pilot's chair and strapped herself in, powering up the ship with practiced motions. 

 

" _ Leela! _ We can't just leave Bender, he's our- ooop!" Fry yelled as Leela banked sharply, throwing him into his seat. A second later the ship's weapons screamed as she shot the roof off the jail. She flicked a couple of controls and the magnetic grappler dropped out of the hull. A brief look at the external cams confirmed that she had several sections of the jail's infrastructure, an assortment of name plates, six guns, three and a half lockers, two potted plants, and a parking meter. Since she could also see Bender in that heap of crap, she retracted it as close to the hull as she could get it, and took off for home. 

 

"Yay! I knew you wouldn't leave Bender!" Fry yelled. "Hooray for Leel-"

 

"Shut up, Fry," Leela said absentmindedly. She'd been angry about something important, just a second ago, she was sure of it. Now she was mostly angry at Bender, but...hadn't she been composing a strongly worded letter?

 

Well, she was sure she'd remember what it was eventually, and even if she didn't, a strongly worded letter was always good to have around. She had dozens filed away, just waiting for the right moment to insert names and details, and forward them. Next to kickboxing, writing strongly worded letters was her main hobby.

 

She continued to compose in her head, glossing over details, smiling slightly to herself as she occasionally jotted down a particularly well-turned phrase on her gauntlet.

 

~~~~~

 

Leela sat up in bed with a grunt. What had woken her-

 

Her stomach growled and she winced, hand going to her abdomen. Nature wasn't so much calling as shoving a bullhorn up her ass and shouting Nixon policy. Hissing and yelping when she felt a particularly sharp cramp, she ran for the bathroom.

 

She sat down, and let it go, moaning with relief as the pressure began to ease, a truly epic dump working its way out of her. Her eye shot wide at the feel of a massive lump passing, and she strained for a few seconds to force it out. No sooner had she gotten past it, then another took its place. She grunted and strained through a half a dozen of the weird blockages, before finally settling down into a normal, easy flow.

 

Groggily, she struggled to recall what the hell she'd eaten that could have stopped her up so bad, when another blockage hit. She snarled and pushed with all her might, ready for the stupid shit to be over with already. It passed only after almost a full minute of straining, and she flopped backward as the pressure in her gut finally eased. She waited a few seconds more, but it seemed she was done. Leela cleaned up, stood up, and turned to flush, when something in the toilet caught her eye. 

 

Sticking out at odd angles from the pile of shit in the toilet were an assortment of tiny bones. And resting atop it, caked in the brown ooze, was a doll-sized human skull.

 

The awful lunch flooded back to her, and she leaned back against the wall. She'd been so angry at Bender for screwing up twice in one delivery, she'd completely forgotten!

 

Face settling into fury, she stalked out of the bathroom, and went to her desk. She picked up the letter she'd finished composing before bed and went through it, rapidly adding in the details of her victimization by the restaurant. When she'd finished, she read it over. It was a masterwork, one of her best letters to date. 

 

"This'll show you..." she muttered as she uploaded the letter. Just before her finger descended on the transmit key, a thought rose up. Something...

 

Damn. She'd shot their jail up, freed a capital prisoner, and there was little doubt that they'd try to arrest her if they learned who she was. It wasn't as though she could just transmit evidence that she'd been there! Not after all the hard work Hermes had done burying them in paperwork and lies to avoid paying damages.

 

She stared at the letter. She could send it anonymously...

 

"No. No-one pays attention to an anonymous letter." With a sigh she filed it away, stripping out the details so she could use it another day.

 

She walked back into the bathroom, and flushed the toilet. She climbed into bed, assuring herself she'd find someway to help those poor orphans. Start a campaign or...something. Something with posters. 

 

Visions of angry mobs lifting her onto their shoulders in triumph lulled Leela to sleep. 


End file.
